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Movie review: TROLL HUNTER
The best Norwegian found-footage monster-hunter movie you will see this year!
Let
's get this out of the way: Oh my god this movie kicks so much gigantic ass.
's get this out of the way: Oh my god this movie kicks so much gigantic ass.Ah, I feel better!
Seriously. I know the "found footage" thing has been done to death since BLAIR WITCH redefined low-budget movie-making. Done. To. Death. REC, PARANORMAL ACTIVTY, CLOVERFIELD, APOLLO 18, and on and on and on.
The makers of TROLL HUNTER didn't try to reinvent the wheel. They found a way to write "kids with a camera" into the milieu, then send those kids in to the mountains of Norway to track down a bear poacher. Like BLAIR WITCH, everything you see is through the camera carried by one of the characters.
Unlike most found-footage flicks, however, this is a monster movie. The first time I saw said monster, it took my breath away. Because of the special effects? No, the FX are solid but not spectacular. The reason the first reveal riveted me was because of the long, slow setup, a setup in which we come to share the main characters' skepticism. There's nothing unusual about the formula of this movie; what's impressive is the way they deliver that formula. Little scenes with the college kids help lull you into believing these are real people. Despite the subtitles, you feel like you're on the excursion with the characters, you really get to know these people and feel for them as the challenges mount.
Honestly, despite the fact that CLOVERFIELD's budget was probably 10,000 times as big as TROLL HUNTER's, this Norwegian film clearly comes out on top. It's full of tension, excitement and comic relief.
The scientific explanation for the paranormal occurrence is laughable, but hey, at least they tried. Unlike most bullshit ghost/vampire/werewolf/supernatural flicks, TROLL HUNTER sets up a rules system. The movie obeys that system and doesn't give you any deus ex machina easy outs. Their "what-if" spin on the rampaging monster scenario is pretty clever, and works well within their rule set.
I wasn't that impressed with the ending. It's chock-full of stressful, white-knuckle moments, but the plot breaks down a bit, the only nock on an otherwise stellar horror film.
In short, I was totally fucking impressed. I wish I'd made this movie. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Right away.
A tiny little Krakens sweatshirt on a tiny little monkey. Sweater by Kelly Harris, the monkey's name is Tasha. Note the "reserved for MVP" bag which is waiting for a nice little book that will ship 9/4/12. Boom. Yeah, it's like that.
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 With much swagger and a Very Important Science Fiction Author air of self-importance, I'm going to say that I called this shot. The BBC is reporting that five killer whales are the "plaintiffs" in a lawsuit to set them free from Sea World in San Diego, CA.The whales are being kept "as slaves." This is apparently the first time a US court has heard legal arguments over whether animals should enjoy the same constitutional protections as humans. "Called it?" Nay, I do believe my work actually made this happen. Unfortunately, the shot I called is being fired by the loons at PETA (they of the Sea Kittens fame). While I am glad people at PETA are reading my books, influencing their actions is a mixed bag at best. Junkies, if you recall the tale of Huey, Dewey and Louie from one of THE ALL-PRO's historical segments (they of the intelligent Dolphin species Delphinus albietz):
Compare that excerpt to the comments of Jeffrey Kerr, the lawyer representing the five whales:
Interestingly, one of the whales is Tilikum, who drowned his trainer during a show in February, 2012. PETA has not commented on whether or not Tilikum will also be tried for that murder of a living, breathing, feeling being. A thank-you to Junkie Jason Farrow (@JMFTheVCI) for pointing this out to me on the Twitters.
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It took us fifteen hours to sell 1,000 copies of THE MVP. Fifteen is not a lot of hours:
As always, this is only possible due to the dedication and tenacity of the exceptional people willing to walk this road with us. We are humbled by how extensively #junkiesfuckingrock, and we continue to strive for perfection because it's the best way to honor the commitment you guys make to our dreams. I am immeasurably proud to be part of bringing Quentin's continuing quest out of Scott's mind and into our reality, and it warms my tiny black heart to see that so many people are excited about it too. If you are looking for exact numbers, they won't be forthcoming. I'm a girl who takes managing expectations seriously, and there's simply no good way to do both things. If you are wondering how many books we're printing, the answer is we don't yet know. It'll be between 2,000 and 3,000, and where it falls depends on how many books are pre-sold between now and July 1st, when we have to give the printer our final details and finished files. If you are wondering if THE MVP is worth the wait … oh hells yes it is. I promise. |
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The New York Football Giants won their fourth SuperBowl title with a 21-17 win over the New England Patriots, who are also a football team despite the fact that they do not have the word "football" in their official title. Giants QB Eli Manning won his second championship (see "Peyton," below), and played a fantastic game.
Click here to continue on and see my Very Important Opinion on the most important parts of the NFL's final contest. |
The GD Detroit Lions did not win the SuperBowl. Therefore the SuperBowl XLVI sucked. For the fourth time in the last five years, the big game was decided by four points or less, adding to the mystique of one of the world's biggest sporting events. This year's SuperBowl was an awesome affair, with great plays on both sides.
THE ALL-PRO Episode #15
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Click here to download IN THIS EPISODE: ORDER "THE MVP" PROMO IN THIS EPISODE: SUPERBOWL SUNDAY! GFL T-SHIRTS! |
THE MVP pre-order!
Click on the image above to pre-order your copy of THE MVP, Book IV of the GFL series. Hurry! Someone else is getting a lower number than you. For the love of all that's holy, hurry!
FridayFix™: THE MVP pre-order is TOMORROW!
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 Here we go Krakens, here we go (clap-clap!). It's almost on Junkies! The pre-order for THE MVP, Book IV of the GFL series starts tomorrow, February 4, 2012 at 9:00am Pacific Time. THREE-MINUTE EPISODE RIGHT HERE! Listen in for a few final notes about the site and what you'll see/do/buy tomorrow. This time it's even shorter than my last MVP-related FridayFix™. Still totally worth it. And, unlike last time, *this* time there might really be bunnies on the podcast! NOTE: PayPal might give you a warning tomorrow when you go to buy the book. It's okay, it's just PayPal looking out for you. We've tested through that warning and it's fine. Click through and get your goods. (Disclaimer: still no bunnies.) |
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This episode of FridayFix™ is brought to you GoDaddy.com. Click the banner above to see great discount codes for Go Daddy, like the coupon code SCOTTCOM which gets you a brand-new domain for just $7.99, or SCOTTDEAL which saves 10% off your entire order. Visit the discount page to see all the savings codes. | |
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All right, I know that I'm old. I know this. I'm 98 in "dog years," which we all realize is an arbitrary number assigned by "the man" to keep my people down. How come nobody talks about our civil rights, huh? Got an answer for me, smart-guy? I didn't think so. You all are too busy laughing at goddamn cats that are too stupid to spell correctly. Since when is laughing at retarded cats an acceptable form of behavior? Idiots. Anyway, I have a bone to pick with your kind, and not of the delicious milk variety (Purina FTW!). What the hell is up with your goddamn magic rooms? A door opens. I walk out of the hall into a room. The door closes. A few seconds later, the door opens ... into another hall! Black-magic chicanery, that's what I call it. So here's my problem: sometimes I can't remember which part of the magic room is supposed to open up. Oh, that's my fault? Listen, asshole, you're the ones that build this crap, it's not my fault that I don't know which side of the magic room is going to magically open into Magic Land. Did I mention I'm 98 in dog years? And my smart-ass "pal," Scott. What a douche, taking a picture of me from the open door of the magic room while I stare at a wall. How the hell was I supposed to know it was just a wall??? Huh?! Humans ... someday I will bite you all. |
My boasty-boast New Year's Resolution to write one million new words in 2012 is off to a rocky start. That's my writing ego in the picture, taking a punch from Captain Reality. I started off on fire because I was cranking out the first draft of THE MVP (which goes on pre-sale right here on this site on Super Bowl Saturday, Feb. 4, 9am PT, noon ET, 5pm GMT). When I finished THE MVP, I puttered around a bit reveling in my glory. Well, glory (and FIFA 2012) doesn't pay the bills, folks. I had a bunch of zero-word days and discovered those are unacceptable if I want to accomplish this crazy goal.
MONTHLY CALCULATION
• I wrote 61,777 words in January.
• I need to write 83,333 words a month to make 1,000,000 for the year
• I am now behind 21,556 words.
DAILY CALCULATION
• I averaged 1,993 words a day (8 pages)
• I am off of the required pace by 1,007 words per day (4 pages)
• To catch up in February, I need to write 2,976 (if I write every day in Feb) + 1,007 (to make up for January deficit) = 3,983 words a day (that's 16 pages a day)
Impossible? Hardly. Difficult? You bet your country ass it is. I have had plenty of 5k+ days in my career, but an entire month of 4k days is a biggun. Hopefully, I can carve into the deficit in February and finish it off in March.
