WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
On this page you will find explanations of Junkies, Siglerism, and a description of some of the fun things this site has to offer, such as the Wiki, Chat, Forums and creating a profile. Just read already. What, like you have something better to do? Puh-leeze …checking out TMZ.com for the fifth time today does not count as productivity. Just read, chief.
WHAT’S A "JUNKIE?"If you’re here, you’re probably already addicted to Siglerism, you’re already a Junkie, and you’re already screwed. Sorry. Read the fine print next time, champ. Might as well make your doom official and create a profile.
Create a profile by clicking here. Click here, I said! Don’t be a pansy. Put in your info, make sure you upload a picture (unless you’re a TechTard like Sigler.) The profile lets you play in the forums (where you can talk about the genius works of the Future Dark Overlord), add to the Siglerpedia (the wiki of Scott’s stories.)
IF I CREATE A PROFILE, DOES SIGLER TAKE MY IMMORTAL SOUL?
The Forums are where you get your Stank on. Sigler Stank, that is. Go to the Crackhouse menu up top, pull down to "Forums" then talk with other Junkies about the podcasts, novels, short stories and other massively important issues of our times. Make fun of Scott (might as well, you’re going to be sacrificed anyway, so why be nice to the guy?)
Located under the Crackhouse menu up on top of the page, the Siglerpedia is an open-source place where Junkies list facts about Scott’s stories. Want to know who a character is, what they are packing, who they’ve killed or who they are boffing? That’s the place to get the skinny.
Also under the Crackhouse menu above, you can live-chat with other Junkies who happen to be on the site. There are a few of them in there most of the time. But seriously, listen, if they ask you a) what kind of a cat you have, and b) where you live, it’s best not to answer.
WHAT IS THE CULT OF SIGLERISM
A wise question, my child. The Cult is a combination of many things, among them:
- A shadowy cult (you know, the kind with pasty-faced people in robes doing rituals that summon creatures with tentacles and stuff)
- A cheap knock-off of Scientology (hey, if a scifi writer can whip up a religion and make billions, then it’s fair friggin’ game. God, do we love America!)
- An established religion founded in 472 B.C., led by Pope Siglericus XXX. Yep, it’s that old. The church’s mottos are "Convoco vel intereo," and "Quispiam arcesso mihi a populus cupcake." Okay, so we added the second one in 1986, but it’s on our official letterhead, so back off!
- A dictatorship-in-waiting with plans to overthrow all governments and unite them together under one glorius leader – General Siglerisimo.
- The Cult is also a rawking 80s band that sang "Fire Woman," which is a just flat-out badass song. That has absolutely nothing to do with Siglerism. We have ADD. So we can’t pay attention, go ahead and fucking sue us for all we care.
- A covert, trans-governmental paramilitary operation with manipulative talons in all levels of government, especially the parking enforcement divisions of every major city (look, we’re evil here, of course those people work for us.) This division is run by Snake Pliskin. We wanted an incarnation of The Sigler to run it, but Snake said it was his, and you do not fucking argue with Snake Pliskin, dig?
THE BOTTOM LINE:
The Cult is led by and dedicated to your Future Dark Overlord™, Scott Sigler.
AM I OF SUFFICIENT BREEDING AND INTELLIGENCE TO JOIN?
Look, we need cannon fodder … we’re not that picky. Got $24.95 to throw down on a hardcover each year, a hardcover written by General Siglerisimo? You do? Well shake your ass to the bookstore, and you’re in. You’re probably going to die screaming, with entrails dangling on the pavement and stuff like that, but we throw wicked awesome parties so it’s all worth it.
IF I JOIN DO I GET TO LIVE WHEN SIGLERISM ASCENDS TO POWER?
No. But maybe your death will be less painful than those that have not converted. Maybe, we’re not really sure. Come on, The Future Dark Overlord™ likes Barry Manilow music — you think you can trust a single thing he says?
WHAT IS "CRACK?"
It’s the best damn drug in the world, it’s the evil secretions of Sigler’s stories, mixed with the tears of a thousand dying bunnies. It’s good shit, man, real good shit. If you’re a Junkie, your "crack" is the fiction of The Sigler. First you O.D., then you only get it when he rations it out. Symptoms include shakes, nausea, Tourette’s Syndrome and, for some, getting Scott’s face tatooed on your boobies.