This topic contains 71 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Avatar of Alex Miller Alex Miller 3 years, 7 months ago.

Do it yourself medical procedures

  • Avatar of Alex Miller

    I fell down the stairs with a glass full of delicious Monster (It was a warm can and I wanted it cold so I put it in a glass with some ice cubes), and got 2 shards in my arm and a sliver in my hand… awesome!

    Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

    Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

    …. physical therapy that using a rowing machine is one of the best workouts in the gym.

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  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
Avatar of steveANARCHY

i started seeing improvement a week later, now i’m 95% better.

HM-THE ROOKIE

[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m] Undead WARLORD

“SHIT adds up at the bottom!” ~ JMK

Avatar of Alex Miller

Rowing dosent get the attention it deserves and it makes my day when I know I’m not the only Junkie here that knows the truth about the awesome sport of crew

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

Avatar of GJ

[flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of Insignificant Blood Splatter

Hope you’re feeling much better by this time. :)

“Clever girl.” ~Jurassic Park {GirlCo w/ dreads for Sigler}

Avatar of Insignificant Blood Splatter

I’m a pretty cautious person.

My sister on the other hand… Going through something I hope she grows out of, where she kind of blanks out and just does stuff. A while back (maybe last summer) she was sitting in the living room and I was in my room. The house was silent and then all of a sudden a yelp came from the living room. I feel terrible now, but my sister screams. All the time. I shouted out to ask if she was okay. When I got no answer, I assumed there was no bug for me to kill and went about continuing what I had been doing. The next morning I came out for breakfast and noticed the fingers on my sister’s hands were basically just big blisters. Turns out she had been staring a the lamp. Apparently, she’s a moth. She just reached out and grabbed the lightbulb. She hung on to it for a good couple of seconds before she finally registered the pain. That’s what the shriek had been about. The blisters were big water-y blisters that eventually turned to callouses and eventually healed, but it took quite a while.

“Clever girl.” ~Jurassic Park {GirlCo w/ dreads for Sigler}

Avatar of Insignificant Blood Splatter

Takes some muscle and endurance, that’s for sure.

“Clever girl.” ~Jurassic Park {GirlCo w/ dreads for Sigler}

Avatar of steveANARCHY

i’m feeling like it’s gotten better, so hopefully by next week or so i’ll be back to normal.

HM-THE ROOKIE

[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m] Undead WARLORD

“SHIT adds up at the bottom!” ~ JMK

Avatar of steveANARCHY

put me on acyclovir and prednisone. she told that it’s great that i came in as soon as i noticed it. i’ve been on it since last friday and already have some movement back. i wish i could afford acupuncture, but i can’t. so i’m praying that with the meds i’ll make a full recovery. thanks for the info.

HM-THE ROOKIE

[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m] Undead WARLORD

“SHIT adds up at the bottom!” ~ JMK

Avatar of Beth_Ailis

[flickr-photo:id=5069365035, size=m] [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of BigJohn

Do i have to change my signature to “slapping boy” now?

WA-PAH!

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Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

Avatar of BigJohn

You’re so sexy when you speak all medical-ly… RAWR.

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Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

Avatar of GJ

I might try the string thing this weekend! Does it hurt?

[flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of GJ

as a drill!
[flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of GJ

It went away on it’s own about 5 months after it came. Very odd. I was very very stressed out at the time. I wish you the best of luck.

Vitamin B12 is supposed to make a real difference (allthough they didn’t know that when I was younger) Ooh and try this Link. Let me know if it doesn’t work in the US and I could mail you the factsheets instead?

Good luck to BigJohn’s mamma too xx

[flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of BigJohn

She got a recommendation to get electrical stimulation done as part of speech therapy, and she has made great progress with it.

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Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

Avatar of steveANARCHY

if so how did you handle it?

i’ve been diagnosed with it and it, as you imagine, sucks! you never really know how much of your mouth you eat with until you can’t move half of your face.

HM-THE ROOKIE

[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m] Undead WARLORD

“SHIT adds up at the bottom!” ~ JMK

Avatar of GJ

[flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

Avatar of athanas

but yes, you should be standing behind a large sheet of plastic before puncturing.
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Avatar of Avinjer

I was cleaning out a jam in the rotor when I ran my hand a bit too close to the sheet metal cover and shaved that sucker right off. Along with a good square inch of skin. Hurt like hell and I used many, many bad words to communicate my pain. I started using gloves after that.
Ve veri veniversum vivus vici (idea’s cannot be killed)

Avatar of Avinjer

Later that night I had to grab my dremmel with an engraving bit and drill a hole through my fingernail to relieve the pressure so I could sleep. Sprayed all over my desk, face and glasses.
Ve veri veniversum vivus vici (idea’s cannot be killed)

Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

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  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of Ricky Craig

    isn’t a sport should really find an oarsman and try to keep up during a workout. They should also try rowing themselves. I’d also suggest they investigate the name, ‘Sir Steven Redgrave.’ :D
    – Death, chaos and mayhem, the music of the night

    Avatar of GJ

    so don’t worry. I’m just old and clumsy and have a lot to tell!
    [flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of Belladonna420

    * * Head Biker Babe & [flickr-photo:id=4891502501], Dead Sexy Dealer, The Juicer, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & Proud Member of GirlCo. * *

    Avatar of BigJohn

    I was hoping for a really cool parasitic worm story. Still, it’s a 7 on the gross factor. Nicely done!

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    Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

    Avatar of GJ

    It was a wart and now I know I was pulling out the root system. Sorry, you did ask.

    [flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of BigJohn

    How did you get white string in your foot?!

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    Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

    Avatar of GJ

    lying in a lovely bath full of bubbles… I decided to shave my legs… grabbed my husbands razor from the cabinet, put blade to skin… drew it upwards and screamed!!!!!!!!! The blade was blunt and it had ripped a piece of flesh about 2 1/2 inches from my knee downwards. Ouchey

    [flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of GJ

    the little bit of skin that starts to peel by your nails in bad weather. I was talking to a friend when I was doing it and looked down to see that I had ripped the skin all the way down to my nuckle..

    [flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of GJ

    I had a lump on the ball of my foot, I picked at it a little and it was fleshy and white. So I picked at it a little more. When a white string came out of it, I decided to pick the horrible thing out of my body straight away. I found a nail file and started gouging away and it hacking away at the flesh until this thing came out in my hand. I calmly mopped up the floor (there was a lot of blood) and couldn’t find any plasters. I managed to wad some toilet tissue together and sticky tape all around my foot.

    When I woke up the next day, my foot really really hurt and I had to spend ages soaking it to get the tissue paper off my wound. When I saw it I was horrified to see a hole as big as a penny.

    Never drink and gouge.

    [flickr-photo:id=5353037802,size=m] & Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of Alex Miller

    But as it turns out, I mis-diagnosed, and we went to the ER 5 days after I got hurt while at rowing practice (and YES, rowing is a sport). Turns out what I thought was a pulled hamstring was actually a fully torn hamstring. That is the 2nd most painful experience Ive ever gone through (next to passing a kidney stone)

    Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

    Avatar of Joseph Cartwright

    I was supposed to be doing the dishes. mom and sis went to some ‘this is high school’ orientation and dad and I were at home.

    I decided I was Ray Charles on piano and was playing air piano with the blender. mind you I had already removed the glass container to wash it. so when I accidently pushed the button to on… well my reaction was not to go for the OFF switch, rather it was to grab the blades that were still in place.

    so, after I yanked my hand back from the blades, I went upstairs grabbed a towel and cleaned up the blood from the ceiling and floor. wrapped my hand the best I could and put pressure to make sure I didn’t bleed to death (I was an accident prone kid so knew what to do.).

    so when I was done, I walked into the living room and presented my wrapped hand to my dad and said, “I can’t finish the dishes” his reponse “let me see what you did” so I complied and showed him. I gave it the once over and told me “sit down til your mother gets home.”

    I sat down and waited.

    when my mom got home she looked at my wrapping and turned back out the door, “let’s go” and off the the hospital we went.

    it ended up only being 7 stitches.

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    [flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m][flickr-photo:id=3725895360,size=m]

    Avatar of Erika Hoel

    where I have had to stitch myself up. for example: when I was in 8th grade, a full length body mirror crashed down on me. It cut up my face an upper body pretty bad, but the only place that actually needed to be stitched was on my shoulder, which I accomplished with a sewing needle and (amazingly enough) the thread they use for stitches. My dad was a paramedic at the time, so I guess I lucked out.

    “Love is fattening.”

    Avatar of Bob Laramee

    two major ones of note i guess. used to work in a restaurant.

    first…one time i was cutting up some butternut squash. for those who have done so, you probably know once you have halved the squash the larger end is hollow. well, as i was slicing it via huge knife, i was pushing it towards the blade with my free hand, not remembering my thumb was under neath the hollow end until i felt the knife go through my thumb. took my thumb tip nearly 80% off. this was early in my days as a prep cook though, so didn’t want to tell anyone. just wrapped in tissue and threw on another rubber glove. went to the bathroom at one point and the glove literally was overflowing (think water-balloon type full) with blood. when i got home whipped out the tape and wrapped that sucker tight. two days later it looked terrible so finally broke down and went to doctor. they had to rip the tip back off to glue it down properly, as it was far too late for stitches. actually healed quite well, with only a small scar.

    second, was cooking turket breast in large metal pan. in food service, turkey breast is wrapped in plastic which you cook it in, and fill metal pan half way with water. after about 6 hours of cooking this thing went to check on temp. as i slid pan out of the oven, metal grate within oven kicked off track, spilling the water all over my knee. the pain was fierce so i let go of the pan and the turkey came falling out, which i tried to catch, but ended up balancing on my same knee. that burned terribly so i let it go, only for it to be followed by the pan. immediately began hosing my leg off, which only led me to seeing that skin was literally melting off my leg. worked for about another 30 minutes before i couldn’t stand, but refused ambulance. got in car to drive home, only to stop 5 minutes later to call for help. until it arrived, treated myself by kneeling in mound of snow at gas station. ended up with first through third degree burns all around my leg and was on crutches for months. scarring a bit worse on that one, but wouldn’t know unless you knew to look for it.

    Avatar of Dave Johnson

    so now all I have to do is destroy everyone with admin privileges and no one would ever know Mwahahaha

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    Pusher, Poet and Pet Protector

    Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

    Not positive. Pulsar promoted me quite a while back.

  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of Belladonna420

    with a nail clippers once. I have another on my neck that I’ve been eyeing……..

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    Pusher, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & [flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

    Avatar of Belladonna420

    but, honest to FDO, the ambulance company was based out of the basement of a funeral home!!! It was a family business – the father ran the funeral home and the daughter ran the private ambulance service. While I worked there, the two services never crossed paths though!! LOL!!

    It was pretty cool working there actually. I swear the place was haunted! And the bunk room was one of the most active spots for some reason. One of the weirdest things I’ve ever done in my life…… played hide and seek in a funeral home – using the coffins in the coffin show room for hiding places!!!

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    Pusher, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & [flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

    Avatar of Dave Johnson

    Offered by posting under a pseudonym only really clever/interested/bored people would realise that my real name is under my profile

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    Pusher, Poet and Pet Protector

    Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of BigJohn

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    Gutter Sistren whipping boy

    Avatar of Beth_Ailis

    But it’s really hard to get the thread tied on there… I just need to get him a sharper scalpel-like instrument and some duct tape for the bleeding.

    Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of James Eager
  • Except they took the “donor” skin from the lower jaw in front of the front teeth. Of course, it didn’t take either.
  • Novacaine in the palate – check, done that. All four of my front teeth are crowned.

  • Sergeant and Fire Team Leader, X-ray company, DOMREC. The Patchman – get your DOMREC patches from me! UNdead Knight! King Vampire of Vampire Corp for Sigler (VC4S)! Pusher once, and now Pusher twice.
  • Avatar of BigJohn

    No one will ever find out about it, cuz no one reads the interweb.

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    Gutter Sistren whipping boy

    Avatar of Dave Johnson

    It always ends in self administered toe surgery from ingrowing toenails… messy and painful but afterwards it’s such a relief. I also used to have a really dodgy crooked nose from it being broken so many times until the most recent when a friend head butted me by accident while drunk and stoned and my dad reset it for me … his proudest moment as a doctor as it’s now pin straight and he gloats about it to his plastic surgeon mate. Alright so it doesn’t count as DIY medical procedures but what opportunities do I get when dad’s a doctor mum’s a nurse and brother’s a paramedic.

    Avatar of Dave Johnson

    with a slice i got falling down on rocks while drunk skinny dipping in australia … it didn’t heal properly now I have a massive scar on my wrist that i have to tell people is animal related because I’m far too mature to get drunk and naked and fall down

    Avatar of Jason Williamson

    That is great!! Why do most of our dumbest stunts ruin bathrooms?

    Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

    Jayguana

    Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

    Simply tie it off at the root and it will fall off on its own in a day or two. You’re actually cutting off the blood supply to the tag. Same principle as the use for castrating bulls, but this is nowhere near that painful. At least I assume getting your nards tied off would really hurt. Never actually tried it.

  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

    …..dealing with death. That could lead to heart attacks, strokes, etc.

  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of Pons Matal

    I cut a fishing hook out of the side of my pinky with a fillet knife once. One other time I cut the side of my knee open on glass. I hate doctors also so I cut up some tape and taped it closed. Just a small scar now…

    [flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m]
    KISS’d by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 “Iron Man” Award.
    Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Twice Over!

    Avatar of Beth_Ailis

    Ever had them do the novacain into your palate? Geez that hurts, or for your top front teeth? Feels like the needle is going into your brain and then your nose is numb and you think you’re smothering.

    Best has to be the 2 times I had gum surgery where they sliced a chunk of flesh out of the roof of my mouth, made a slit in the gum and patched that hunk of flesh in there. Bled and bled and bled and hurt… now I need to go lie down.

    Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of athanas

    with a hunting knife and a pair of toe nail clippers going after a wart when I was in high school because I hated the topical stuff my parents gave me to use since it didn’t work.

    The bathroom looked like a crime scene when I was done.

    ____________________________________________
    the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

    Avatar of Beth_Ailis

    Does it count that I had my hubby slice off a skin tag (those little blobs of skin) with a rasor blade? Never doing that again. Bled like a sum’bitch!

    Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of Beth_Ailis

    really good on those places where band-aids won’t stick well…. I meant like between your FINGERS!

    Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of Beth_Ailis

    for the funeral home? Hmmmmm

    Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

    Avatar of Jason Williamson

    Those are the things I was talking about too. As Cleveland would say “Oh thats nasty!”

    Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

    Jayguana

    Avatar of Renee Jordan

    y’know, one of those ones that feels kinda deep and infected, more like a cyst? Tons of goop came out, followed by lots of blood. I swear, this thing must’ve spread out across several square inches under my skin, based on how much came out of it. I still have a visible scar from it.

    Aaand after remembering that incident, please excuse me while I go have a sympathy puke :X

    **Conjunction Junction, what’s your function? No seriously, I slept through grammar class, so I have no idea what you do.**

    Avatar of James Eager
  • Makes me identify all the more with Perry too.
  • Sergeant and Fire Team Leader, X-ray company, DOMREC. The Patchman – get your DOMREC patches from me! UNdead Knight! King Vampire of Vampire Corp for Sigler (VC4S)! Pusher once, and now Pusher twice.
  • Avatar of James Eager
  • Not that I recommend chemo for anyone.
  • Sergeant and Fire Team Leader, X-ray company, DOMREC. The Patchman – get your DOMREC patches from me! UNdead Knight! King Vampire of Vampire Corp for Sigler (VC4S)! Pusher once, and now Pusher twice.
  • Avatar of critter clark

    You, Sir, are a badass! Stay healthy.

    Avatar of Jason Williamson

    Ive set a broke finger or two, and a few toes. Ive popped my shoulder back in a couple of times and tried to pop my thumb back in place but as the picture shows that was not a dislocation. It looked like it but it turned out to be bones going in 2 directions. I had to sew up my pointer finger on a fishing trip to Canada, lost the feeling in the tip of my finger for my troubles. And Ive lanced a couple of huge zit like things on my face. If you cant tell I don’t like doctors!

    Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

    Jayguana

    Avatar of Renee Jordan

    **Conjunction Junction, what’s your function? No seriously, I slept through grammar class, so I have no idea what you do.**

    Avatar of BigJohn

    _____________________________________________

    Gutter Sistren whipping boy

    Avatar of Belladonna420

    in a funeral home and as an operating room technician so there’s not much I have’t seen. I’m always doing self-surgeries, etc. Nothing major though. I did cut open my brother’s arm to dig out a piece of broken glass before though… he passed out, the WIMP!!

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    Pusher, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & [flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

    Avatar of James Eager
  • Was done by “professionals”
  • Muscle Function test (If they ever ask you to do one – RUN AWAY!)
  • Bone Marrow Biopsy (not once, TWICE).
  • Stitches in my forehead
  • Take novacaine shots for teeth to be pulled, and have it not be good enough, so they stop while pulling and hit you again.
  • Fillings – 9 hits of novacaine for one filling!!! (That tooth is crowned now, thank god.)
  • Infusaport installation and removal – then there is use of it….
  • Chemo – nuff said
  • Sergeant and Fire Team Leader, X-ray company, DOMREC. The Patchman – get your DOMREC patches from me! UNdead Knight! King Vampire of Vampire Corp for Sigler (VC4S)! Pusher once, and now Pusher twice.
  • Avatar of James Eager
  • Blood sprayed three feet onto the wall of the shower I was standing in. We aren’t talking a few drops either.
  • Sergeant and Fire Team Leader, X-ray company, DOMREC. The Patchman – get your DOMREC patches from me! UNdead Knight! King Vampire of Vampire Corp for Sigler (VC4S)! Pusher once, and now Pusher twice.
  • Avatar of Renee Jordan

    I have given myself injections (not that big of a deal), done the super glue thing to a nasty cut, pulled a shard of wood (not a splinter, a shard, this thing was freaking huge) out of my arm with a Leatherman tool, and stitched someone else up with a 99-cent sewing kit after he drunkenly stuck his arm into a running fan.

    **Conjunction Junction, what’s your function? No seriously, I slept through grammar class, so I have no idea what you do.**

    Avatar of athanas

    was cleaning up the house and throwing some papers away and a blood thristy little staple took a pretty nasty chunk of my thumb with it. I didn’t think much of it, but I noticed it had to be at least a mm and a half deep and got snagged on things, so I squeezed it together and glued that bitch up. It does wonders.

    ____________________________________________
    the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

    Avatar of Arioch Morningstar

    Heard that one the other day and I was like “What?!?” but it does make a certain kind of sense. There are definitely circumstances in which I can see it being necessary.

    Do these have to be *successful* “Do it yourself” procedures? There’s certainly some crazy ass stuff I did when I was a kid to avoid getting caught. But the instance I’m thinking of I was totally unsuccessful. Didn’t help that what I was trying to remove was a shell casing rather than a bb, which is what I thought it was.

  • Tangent & Funky Name Brother; Founder of the Gutter Brethren; Frequent [flickr-photo:id=3274749401,size=m]
  • Avatar of critter clark

    Ever had to stitch yourself up after an adventure. Pulled your own teeth? Cut something out because it bothered you? Self medicated to stop the voices? Please feel free to share your personal, self inflicted trauma because other peoples pain is often funnier than your own.

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