You will find out in the descendant? but my bet is on Clayton....awesome ol'SOB

A Flying Spoon, and Faithful Servent of The FDO

I'm almost sure Gunther's books were published by Dark Overlord Media.  I heard a vicious rumor that in the near future DOM becomes so large that they branch out from horror/sci-fi novels into erotica and romance. 

Especially if they continue to use Junkies names.  I can see it now...

The Secret Astronaut Lover by Scotia Sigleromia (all romance novelists must publish their trash under a psuedonym...)

It had been eight years since she had fled the International Space Station in a stolen Mark 12 space capsule and had forced the memory of that life from her mind like a bad dream. Eight years.

Gmork shook her head, continued slicing carrots in her freshly pressed silk French Maids outfit.  It was impossible to conceive of going back. Impossible.  She glanced at Athanas Bastardiche again, disbelieving. "You must be mistaken," she said simply, gently sweeping her hair back from her glistening neck with the gentle movement of her perfectly manicured hand.

"I mistake nothing, ma cherie," the insufferable Midwesterner crooned as he sidled even closer to the rough, knife-marked table on which Gmork was working, his rippling manflesh sending both goosebumps of anticipation and cramps of extreme nausia rolling through her body.  "My heart, it is but tiny pieces when you must return to the International Space Station to continue your research into the spectral wavelength of gamma radiation. He reached for a slice of carrot, snatching it just ahead of Gmork's knife.

       "You've obviously drunk too much Pabst Blue Ribbon again, Athanas."

       "Non, not Pabst.  Miller Light."  He reached again, but this time Gmork stabbed his hand, cutting off his little finger, her perfect chest heaving with the effort and a small pout forming on her lips. 

Athanas jerked his hand back, stared at her with a look of horror.  "Ow!  You are cruel to wound me so!" 

"Honestly, have you ever considered a career in midget porn...?  You're about the right size and may have the same acting ability..." she said, and raised her knife again when he attempted to staunch the squiting flow of blood that was mingling with the salad. 

His hand wavered uncertainly.  "Non?"

"Non."

Athanas sighed.  "Sae la vie," he said cheerfully, licking at the spurting stump, his chisled chin stubble catching the light with its unadulterated manliness.  "What is this you prepare?"

"Roctopi stew.  All right, Monsieur Bastardiche, truthfully if you please, did ExotiKali say she would fly her personal love barge all the way to the moon and back?"

Athanas clucked, adjusted his rumpled, expensive waistcoat just so, and smoothed the curl of what had been, hours earlier, a meticulously styled coif.  "Oui," he sniffed in belated response to Gmork's question, and paused to study her supple backside.  "I think this is so.  Je ne rappel pas." 

Of course he would not recall, the devastatingly handsome son of a bitch.  That would require ability beyond the capacity of what Gmork believed was a pea-sized brain.  She put the carrots, mushrooms, and freeze-dried Quyth testicles into the kettle, wiping the rivuletts of sweat that beaded her supple cleavage, and swatted Athanas's hand from her bum. "Then perhaps it was just another of your attempts to seduce me."

Athanas gasped, his bloody hand fluttered to the neckcloth at this throat, droplets of blood flying.  "Mademoiselle!  Do you accuse me of lying?" he demanded indignantly.

"I do indeed."

"Ieee, how could I lie, ma cherie?  My eyes, my ears, my mouth, my genetalia. all of them, filled with dreams of sweet Del_Detriment!" 

Filled with dreams of BigJohn's or CoxBrother's rippling moobs was more like it.  Since Athanas had discovered that she was friends with those dear boys he had sought her out daily, sometimes begging introductions, sometimes simply demanding hot italian sausage in crème sauce.  Today his poetic wailing earned him nothing more than an exasperated snort as she put the lid on the kettle, giving him a glimpse of her trademark tail wiggle as she did so. 

It certainly wasn't the first time Gmork had been the recipient of such false ardor from one of ExotiKali's discarded boy toys. Really, it seemed that a man's self-esteem was awfully large and fragile, and when ExotiKali refused to succumb to a man's unwanted attentions, they all seemed compelled to look to the nearest female on whom they might test their charms and assure themselves it was still intact.  More often than not, that female was her, seeing as how she was such a pro at applied innuendo. 

She turned away from the kettle to see Athanas sniffing about the cloths hamper, the panties she had changed out of earlier earlier clitched in his masculine jaw and her bra in his blood-smeared hands.  "Monsieur, be so good as to keep your hands in your pockets, s'il vous plait," she warned him.  Athanas frowned, put down her panties, put her bra in his pocket, and walked petulantly to the window.  He stood pouting and staring out beyond the old walls of Siglersite as she finished putting the cooking implements away.

"Why do you keep yourself here, away from everyone?" he asked after a few moments, still staring absently out the window. "Look at them now, bouncing on that trampoline, sliding down the slip and slide, and flashing anyone who ventures near. Why do you not join them?"

Because she had joined them last evening, had even enjoyed herself until the early hours of the morning.  But as she had never developed the stamina a full night of revelry required—particularly if said revelry was to stretch into the following morning, with boob-flashing galore—she had at last retired, exhausted, to be pampered over by Richno3 until she fell asleep in the capable hands of ScottEPond, who's sworn duty it was to protect her nipples from all manner of harm and gropping hands.

That, and she was still recovering from the sight of Dozier's naked flesh the last time she had walked in on him sunbathing near the trampoline, the sun reflecting off his copious amounts of freshly applied baby oil.

"Ach, what foolishness," Athanas said, seeming to read her mind. "Come now, let us attend this public display of lisivity.  The immature and childish banter, it will make a smile on your face."  He very gallantly offered his arm. 

Gmork eyed it warily, noting for the first time his questionable tatoos, one of which proudly proclaimed "I Love Julie Andrews" and the other a stylized illustration of a well-endowed man in a purple unicorn costume.

Athanas chuckled, tightening his pink ascot.  "Mademoiselle!  I am a gentleman!" 

That was highly debatable, but the stew was underway, and what little housework remained Belladonna would see to when she returned from the world famous Beth'Aillis market.  Besides, Gmork would delight in seeing an close-up boob flash from ExotiKali's at the same moment as Athanas.  This silliness, this insanity of flashing one's breasts while jumping on a trampoline was just that, a jest, done simply to annoy Athanas, because the man quite feared being left alone with a woman for reasons that were entirely unclear to Gmork.

Arm in arm, heads held high, they both sashayed over to the Sex and Nudity Forum

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The.

Fuck.   O.o
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This is fucking brilliant and fucking scary all at the same time!!! (Which means I love it)

Why do I love it?

1. I would fully expect that if athanas ever had a finger cut off, he would be nails enough to not even care
2. From what I gather in the story, Bella and I are co-French maids and I get all of ExotiKali's sloppy seconds
3. This is as fucked up as I would expect romance novels published by DOM to be!

Outstanding work, sir!

I struggled with figuring out who to put in the lead role, and then I thought "Who would be the most awesome leading man for such a poignant tale???"

And then it suddenly crystalized: The One, The only... ATHANAS!!!!  He's the only one who could pull such a complex character off...

I thought's you'd be honored to play leading man to the indelible Gmork... <sniffle>... I'm a little hurt that you didn't love it... but I guess fancy literature isn't for everyone...

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I got a little bored after I finished with my evil students today... and I was a little punch drunk... those two things normally result in some weird shit...

I really thought that the CBBC Corrupter would be as excited as you... but I guess he didn't find it as amusing as it was meant to be... <sigh>

Sorry Athanas, next time I'll let CoxBrother take the lead...

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The quiet guy in the corner, figuring out how to destroy all of you.

The quiet guy in the corner, figuring out how to destroy all of you.

but that thing just hit me like a water bottle with stupid canadian kid radar when I first read it.
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That's good to hear!  Got a little worried there for a minute!

Maybe we should start an alternate fan fiction section specifically for Gunther-style erotica/romance... all based on Junkies.... and written by authors with Psuedonyms of the FDO???

That has some potential of some funny stuff!

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That's just...it's... I got nothin'. You are one strange mofo, Pondy. :p

[flickr-photo:id=4730034487,size=m] ~S&N Bouncer and Official Hitwoman for the Gutter Sistren~

...for a Gunther style erotica thread in the fan fiction section.  Then maybe we can find a way to work in Quyth cheerleaders!!

I mean, I lost a finger, was outmatched by a woman, and didn't get any ass.

Now, where I be show up like Dolemite and kill whitey and bang every single bitch in the world, well then...that would be worthy of the Corruptor.
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Rippling moobs!

::high-fives coxbrother::

(jiggling ensues)

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Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words, Life Coach to the Damned.

50K words in Gunther-speak about ripping moobs and such. I would love to read more.

Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

Flash-back 20 years ago when I was in high school, eating lunch with my co-ed pals (some of whom were quite fetching, I tell ya!).

Used to do "dramatic re-enactments" from romance novels commonly read by one of my good female friends, Erin.

Needless to say, imagine William Shatner (a la Star Trek) vocalization and narrations, with dramatic gestures and good-natured flirtations.

Very nice... and oh so naughty!  Npthing quite like some humorous groping under the "watchful" eyes of the school faculty...

BTW: I cannot wait to hear/read some of Gunther's books... maybe an idea for a Friday Fix??? Hearing the FDO take on a Danielle Steele type story would be a hoot!

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Website: scottepond.com • Twitter: ScottEPond

"freeze-dried Quyth testicles"....

I'd be game for some topless trampolining!!! Bouncy boobie for everyone!!!

[flickr-photo:id=5021674230,size=m]~Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum - Jay-Gu-Ana, owner of the Sala Intrigue~

It's the month of November, but I'm sure you can still sign up. They still have a "sign up now" on their site.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Lot's of bouncing over there... we have a trampoline and a pool!

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Website: scottepond.com • Twitter: ScottEPond

[flickr-photo:id=5021674230,size=m]~Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum - Jay-Gu-Ana, owner of the Sala Intrigue~

"nipples glistening like dark enchanted rubies"... priceless

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Website: scottepond.com • Twitter: ScottEPond

... with appling those rubies I'm more then willing to help. :)

~Proud Member of the CBBC~ The quiet guy in the corner, figuring out how to destroy all of you.