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SynapticJam
What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 2:40PM 32 replies
What torture would you heap upon him who fails to give us our fix? I'll start: I would staple a blonde wig onto his hairless scalp. Lipstick too. At high tide, I would take him out into the bay up to his waist, plant a post with the words "King of the Junkies" on it right behind him. I would then handcuff his ass to the post with a ball gag in his mouth. I would then make a small incision in his belly, pulling out the very middle part of his intestines, attach said intestines to a nifty little boat called "The Overlord Express", and let him watch as the tide goes out, pulling his intestines from his gut, inch by agonizing inch. When all of the line has played out, I would coat his intestines with peanut butter. Why? I like peanut butter, and so do fishies... A Feast for the denizens of the deep...

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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mumo00
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 3:48PM
very nice! i prefer fire ants, as in dipping our dark overlord in honey and staking his late, naked, story-telling ass in a knee-high fire ant mound. the sweet screams of agony would suffice in place of our long lost episode.
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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 4:22PM
I've always like the fire ant demise. Knee high huh? Being kind of generous aren't we? I would probably put some sort of ant repellant on his legs and then stick him at "just the right height".... Make a nice little ramp... Scrawl "Fire Ant Eatery" on his stomach with an arrow... maybe "All you can eat!" Gotta immobilize his arms too... Tie his hands behind his neck with a rope that also goes around his throat... Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket... This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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ToxicFire
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 5:48PM
Ahhh sigler time where a weekend lasts a week perhaps one of the things to look forward to as part of his world wide domination campaign
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treed
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 8:20PM
a bucket full of rats, strapped to belly, with fire applied to bottom of bucket would make a fine way to to make a point the rats will find/dig/eat their way out * http://www.pgholyfield.com/maah/ * Numbers are the keys that unlock the universe...

#
The Math God of the Past
THE Mister Biz-Nass, Your friendly neighborhood Tourette-Syndrome-afflicted, throat-cancer-surviving fortune-teller who speaks through a voice box.
The Past Future gay Chief of the SFPD (the original podcast of Nocturnal)
http:Bitstrips TREED!
http://GoAnimate TREED!

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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 @ 8:56PM
Rats are good... feeling the tickle of their cold little noses and whiskers... Their needle like teeth testing just how soft his flesh is, wondering if it would taste good... the feeling of heat on the bottom of the bucket, the soft squeaking turning into a frenzy of horrible screeching as the temperature in the bucket soars... The feeling on his stomach as all of them defecate in panic. That first bite as the they realize it's the only way to escape the heat. The sharp digging pain that grows in intensity as more and more of them begin to tear away his flesh. As they tear into his internal organs, a feeling quite unlike any he's felt before, a sense of being disconnected as he realizes they must have chewed through his intestines, colon, and bladder. Strangely, he no longer feels the need to pee. Some go down, tearing through his stomach, and somehow luckily exiting through his anus, while others go up, ripping through his lungs and heart, their efforts redoubling as they sense the air coming down his esophagus, scrambling for a way out! The blood no longer pumping towards the brain, he begins to feel dizzy, even the pain fading as the endorphins kick in as they always do upon impending death. He knows he's going die... And he knows why... GIVE US OUR FIX SIGLER! Yeah, I like the rat idea. Or how about jammed ass-end first into a cage with a rabid mountain lion who's been starved for a week or so... An Ocelot Enema.... That would take that smug grin off his ugly puss. Isn't it just about time to get us some Nocturnal? This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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wallerdad
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 1:17PM
Ya'll are some sick bastards, but I like the way you think. Wallerdad __________________________________________ Way to go Bubbah!!! chicken scissors chicken scissors chicken scissors

 

  • These gathering hosts of loyal junkies, under the command of the great SCOTT
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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 2:00PM
You'd like to torture our illustrious leader... Some nifty imaginative way to do him in... What would it be? carving evil voodoo magic runes all over his body... or better yet, a voodoo doll! What would you do it it? Gotta have that wide stance! This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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Stuart_Smith
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 2:12PM
SynapticJam.......You're a sick bastard alright..... But I would like to get him in the woods..... Nail his hands together high above his head and to a tall oak tree. Then I would chop a V shape in the tree at the height where his balls are. Now take his trousers down and pin his ball sack into the V of the tree with the balls placed within the V itself. Now when he tires and his legs give way pulling the tree towards him slowly and bit by bit the V decreases and starts to crush his balls....eventually pulling the tree onto him and smashing his balls sac and Dick all at the same time... It just seems to be a befitting end to me for someone who cannot feed the Junkies on time! ! ! o:) Take me for what I am, for I am, what you take me for!
Take me for what I am, for I am, what you take me for!
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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 2:21PM
I had to ready that shit like, 5 times to figure out what exactly was going on.... An you call me a sick bastard... ungh... I wonder if we would hear the splintering of the wood in the tree as it topples, or if his screams would mask the sound. I'd want to have a nice recording rig set up to catch all of it... maybe hang some clothes on poles around the site so he felt at home. Then we could broadcast that shit as the next episode, cause I'm beginning to think it just may not be coming... So if Sigler were about to get his balls crunched in a freak beaver style tree execution (not the beaver you're thinking about yah cheeky fucker), Would the dreaded Hutchinnnnsssss wear a "Save Sigler's Balls T-Shirt"???? This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 3:08PM
Well, he says it's coming out tomorrow... [Scott Sigler Updates] Video chat with The Cadaver benefits US veterans? Plus, episode #14 drops 2-13-08, But that means that until then, we can still imagine all sorts of nasty ways to cut the thread.... So between now and when it drops, let's see who can post the most vivid, imaginative, nasty, gore filled vision of his death! I look forward to cringing! This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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hotchman
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 4:50PM
I would put him in a pool full of those little tiny Brazillian fish that swim up your urethra. Then I would pour leeches into the pool and finally drain out the water and fill the pool with burrowing skin mites. All this while I sit at pool side with Hot Chicks, lots of booze and a tape of every JC Hutchins podcast playing... NOW GIVE US OUR DAMN NOCTURNAL!!!!!!! (and hurry up and get the Starter done so we don't have to wait long) Your Friendly Neighborhood Hotchman
Your Friendly Neighborhood Hotchman
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HwayHzrd
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 5:57PM
... bound and gagged (able to breathe through nose only) in the lavatory of a truck stop that is having an "all-you-can-eat" chili special. Spicy food + impacted intestines gaining blessed relief = ultimate revenge for jilted listeners! (You know we love ya, Scott, but the nursing home thing was ghastly ... )
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treed
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 @ 6:37PM
* Murder at Avedon Hill - http://www.pgholyfield.com/maah/ * Numbers are the keys that unlock the universe...

#
The Math God of the Past
THE Mister Biz-Nass, Your friendly neighborhood Tourette-Syndrome-afflicted, throat-cancer-surviving fortune-teller who speaks through a voice box.
The Past Future gay Chief of the SFPD (the original podcast of Nocturnal)
http:Bitstrips TREED!
http://GoAnimate TREED!

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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 6:07AM
Nice addition of the skin mites... really like that one! This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 8:46AM
Mr. Biz-nass... a rat poking his head out of the breathing tube in Mr. Biz-nass' throat... eeek! This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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treed
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 9:04AM
i can't tell you the problems that caused me, swallowing that outburst of laughter, causing a coughing fit, red in face from stifling the laughter and coughing so hard took me a bit to catch my breath to type this too funny...............lol * Murder at Avedon Hill - http://www.pgholyfield.com/maah/ * Numbers are the keys that unlock the universe...

#
The Math God of the Past
THE Mister Biz-Nass, Your friendly neighborhood Tourette-Syndrome-afflicted, throat-cancer-surviving fortune-teller who speaks through a voice box.
The Past Future gay Chief of the SFPD (the original podcast of Nocturnal)
http:Bitstrips TREED!
http://GoAnimate TREED!

Reply
SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 10:20AM
They sound nasty! Check out this website: http://www.somednat.org/site/spip.php?article55 Candiru or candirú (also canero, toothpick fish, or willy fish) refers to parasitic freshwater catfish of a number of genera in the family Trichomycteridae. They are found in the Amazon River and have a reputation among the natives as the most feared fish in its waters, even over the piranha. They are eel-shaped and translucent, making them almost impossible to see in the water. Some species have been known to grow to a size of 6 inches in length. This fish is feared to attack humans and swim into an orifice (the vagina, anus, or even the penis—and deep into the urethra). Because of spines protruding from the fish, it is almost impossible to remove except through surgery. The fish locates its host by following a water flow to its source and thus urinating while bathing increases the chance of a candiru homing in on a human urethra. Natives have also been known to bathe facing the current, as doing so would decrease the chances of the organism lodging itself in the rectum. Other orifices such as the penis or vagina are covered up with the use of hands. Once inside it would eat away the mucous membranes and tissues until hemorrhage would kill it or the host. It was also said that even if one caught the fish by the tail, once in the urethra it could not be pulled out because it would spread itself like an umbrella. The Candiru can attack both men and women. Penectomy is generally preferred to the misery and pain associated with leaving the fish in the urethra. Case: Patient 23 year old, male, consultant emergency service for dysuria and urethral bleeding. He reported having urinated in the river three days ago, when fish entered his urethra, despite his efforts he could not extract it, it was too slippery and too small. On physical examination, the patient is pale and has fever, pain violent handling of the penis, urine retention, bleeding from the penis and swelling of the scrotum. Endoscopy under general anesthesia is used. It highlights a large fish filling the obstructing the urethra and sphincter. The fish is removed by endoscopic. This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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timmyswim42
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 10:25AM
Nail his hands to a wall with steak knives and then wait until his arms get tired and the knives slowly saw their way through the rest of his hands. Maybe get a Dossey sized junkie to mess him up a bit. We don't need your hands Scott...just your voice to record the next episode ON TIME!!
Gingers are the smallest minority on the planet...so quit complaining everybody else.
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The_Supreme_Narutard
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 10:25AM
WE BURN!!!!!! By the way, Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

 

__________________________________________________

"Top Gunners gun from the top, mutherfucker!"

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The_Supreme_Narutard
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 10:27AM
Tape is dead, my friend. Digital media is the way of the future. By the way, Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

 

__________________________________________________

"Top Gunners gun from the top, mutherfucker!"

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treed
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 13, 2008 @ 9:51PM
sounds fun * Murder at Avedon Hill - http://www.pgholyfield.com/maah/ * Numbers are the keys that unlock the universe...

#
The Math God of the Past
THE Mister Biz-Nass, Your friendly neighborhood Tourette-Syndrome-afflicted, throat-cancer-surviving fortune-teller who speaks through a voice box.
The Past Future gay Chief of the SFPD (the original podcast of Nocturnal)
http:Bitstrips TREED!
http://GoAnimate TREED!

Reply
SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 14, 2008 @ 6:42AM
Now that it's here. All past sins are forgiven and I extol the virtues of our benevolent, beneficent, Overlord and sing his praises from the mountaintops... How can we repay him for his kindness and the gifts he heaps upon us, his poor lowly junkies? I'll begin: I would build him a throne constructed from the bones of his enemies.. I would fashion for him a mighty scepter, using the femur of the dreaded Hutchinssss for a handle, and a globe sitting atop, all brushed in platinum so that he might reflect upon himself day and night. I would sit by his beside and whisper sweet nothings into his ears. Sweet nothings such as "The visceral hatred seeped from his every pore turning his vision into a fractured hallucination of the depths of Hell itself! Greedily he swung his bowie knife up, into the soft underbelly of the bulging stomach, crouching down; he thrust skyward, his entire arm following the blade up and into the chest cavity, all the way to his shoulder, the tip of the blade poking out of his throat with a profound sense of finality. A tracheotomy, the hard way. He heard no sound at all, which seemed odd to him somehow. Only then, in passing, did he notice the decided lack of blood. Then, with a sick squelching sound, he withdrew his arm and a torrent of …………..” Yeah, sweet nothings like that… for hours and hours… Thank you Oh Sigler, Thank You! This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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hotchman
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 14, 2008 @ 7:14AM
The horrible sound quality of tape is what adds to the torture! Digital Media is far to clear and easy to hear! Your Friendly Neighborhood Hotchman
Your Friendly Neighborhood Hotchman
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SynapticJam
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 14, 2008 @ 7:23AM
An old sony walkman, hooked up to a terrible set of speakers... all scratchy sounding. good call.... This missive brought to you by SynapticJam - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken

hhhmmm...  SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #? in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)  Multiple S.H.I.T. Award Recipient!  Double Dipper and Triple Threat!  All-around uberjunkie!

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HwayHzrd
Re: What do we do with those who do not podcast on time?
Posted: Feb 14, 2008 @ 9:16AM
We definitely need to keep Scott on the "Stick/Carrot" system. That's the bad thing about us junkies, we get awfully cranky when we don't get our fixes, but AH!! The adulation and adoration we bestow upon our King/Supplier when he hooks us up! All hail Scottimus Rex the First!!
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