G-Man

Are that you singing???

1. In future volumes of the Nocturnal saga, Brian should learn enough more about the origins and history of the Nocturnals to start questioning his mission to exterminate them. it's one thing for him to have a natural emotional attachment to them because he's one of them in a way. It would be far more difficult for Brian if he started finding out how these mutants turned evil. I'm thinking decades, maybe hundreds of years of persecution by "normal" humans, leading to the Nocturnals' present twisted culture of depravity and death.

2. Okay ... I'm not hassling you about your language, really I'm not ... but I'd love to see you develop a bona-fide mentally retarded character who isn't a villain or a victim. You could have some really good, useful fun with that and make a point about how meaningful it is or is not to use terms like "retard". It's pretty clear at least one of the Nocturnals was "cognitively impaired" within the context of the Nocturnal society, but I'm talking about someone who is more or less a good guy or gal. Making it genuine and not cliched would be a real challenge, but you're a master!

 But the Wife did tell me to get morewould for the farplace today. :)

“[No matter where you go, there you are] - And Sigler knows exactly where there is! ”

G-Man

Are that you singing???

 You better get after it, you've gotta a reputation to uphold!

“[No matter where you go, there you are] - And Sigler knows exactly where there is! ”

Scott,  This was great. Intense, action packed, funny.  I like all the elements, it made for a great ride.  You're right, the manipulation of Sly is pure evil genius! It took me by surprise!  As for moving things around, you could likely move the under-the-bay portioon of the book to a second, leaving more room for further development of Marie as a character (through historical flashback) or what have you.  I'd love to hear more about Aggie too.

The end stretched out a bit and I agree that while Brian didn't close the deal on Rex and 1st born himself, he did kick major arse for his first outting as a Saviour. Speaking of, I would love to know what revenge Jebadiah was referring to (even in a biref aside before 1st Born caps him).  I think it's crappy how he dies too. He was a complete kick-ass nightmare to these people and that snake skinned scum bag's blood causes him to loose his balance in the end. THERE IS NO JUSTICE for that old dood!  First Brian plants a knife in his gut, then 1st Born! NO JUSTICE!

Great  story, CAN'T wait for at least ONE of the 5 sequels you're dangling out there you book tease!

David

What ever happened with Mrs. Clinton...err... I mean... Hillery and the Baby....

"I have much respect for Delhome's douchbaggery"

-Scott Sigler

Where's tard?

SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #3 in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)

I noticed that quite a few people are advocating this and I've been thinking about it for a long time too. It's not uncommon for authors to give you parallel time information in subsequent books (I point to another of my favorite authors Anne McAffrey whose books overlap quite a bit). Aggie and what happens to him below the city isn't essencial to the main plot thread which is Pookie and Bryan and their escapades. That would cut a lot of pages I would bet and the saga on a whole would still work. It's also not that unusual for a book to start with a seemingly unrelated plot thread then have them overlap later on. Think about the Bryan story as an introduction to Marie's Children then in the second book we get all the history upclose and find out where the Saviors really come from. Or maybe you could release the Aggie etc. storyline as a shorter side novel in the Nocturnal Saga. :)

Nocturnal, even more than the other books has the potential for a HUGE saga with all the different kinds of monsters and the idea that there are other Saviors throughout the world. You definately have a monster of an idea here . . .

killed the Jeb Savior's adopted father infront of him. It might be mention on the Wikipedea*ms* site. Gmork kicks azz on updated that thing!

The Irishman from Ohio

I've always wanted to go to a farplace but never could afford it.  Didn't know you needed morewould to go to a farplace.

"Well. I'll tell you what. You gonna kick it with me. Or I'm gonna kick you out. What you think of that?" Sister Mary Clarence 

Tard could end up helping First Born clean their family of snakes. He could be a courier of info and supplies between First and Hillary. Tard may be slow, but even Tard would get pissed if HE witnessed the betrayal by Sly.

The Irishman from Ohio

and the baby get adopted by Brian's dad. I think it would be the best for all three of them. Get there hope's then kill them. I am definatly*ms* a Junkie.

The Irishman from Ohio

To make the story into two books, provide more back story on Maries Children in the 17^th & 18^th Century, some tales on how first born became the leader, and more story on Saviour!

 morewould than you wood think. Its a popular place though, once you get there Yule say "mayonnaise a lot of people here" :)

“[No matter where you go, there you are] - And Sigler knows exactly where there is! ”

Whats with the dude in the wet suit? why was he 'fishing' at 3 in the am?

he's gotta be a nocturnal. His speaking is very labored, and mechanical. He asked them if they had been to topeka and they said no. so he said that he's from topeka....you have to be retarded not to see the connection between him and the nocturnals

gothguy720.deviantart.com

Nicky or Nicolai if you prefer...   What was in the bag?

SynapticJam on Toast - hhhmmm... tastes like chicken (aka PUVJK) #3 in crack hits (Special?  Ain't I just)

The wet suit guy had an important purpose.  Think hanging on a boat waiting for his que!!!!!

"Well. I'll tell you what. You gonna kick it with me. Or I'm gonna kick you out. What you think of that?" Sister Mary Clarence 

I was very impressed by "Nocturnal", especially given you were writing it as you were podcasting it. 

To me, there were two distinct stories going on:

1)  Rex and Bryan both discovering their heritage and choosing two distinct destinies that collided on the boat.

2)  The "origin", such as it was, of the Nocturnals/Saviors/Kings.  That includes the Groom's Walk and Marie, and mostly focused on Aggie.

As far as breaking the story up, I would recommend the following.  Strip down the first novel to focus as much as possible on Bryan and Rex.  Save the part with Aggie and the reveal of Marie until the second or even the third novel.  I know that flies against your normal pattern of explaining the monsters, but in the case of a story that lends itself to a trilogy you can afford to leave the readers waiting.  You can still point out the chromosomal abnormality, but keep its true nature quiet until the readers can truly appreciate just how horrific the source of the Children is (something that would come after they are truly immersed in the Nocturnal world).  

I would imagine the sequence would go like this:

Book 1 follows Bryan and Rex as they discover their true natures.  We introduce the monsters, do the whole crime syndicate story, but we don't get too deep into exactly -where- the monsters come from.  It ends exactly where the podcast ended, with Rex dead and Bryan embraces his destiny as the Savior.  We get a glimpse of the Nocturnal underworld, but we don't see Marie or the undreground ship.

Book 2 continues the story as you've envisioned it, but now we can add in Aggie's story and show how Bryan and Rex were rescued from the underworld as babies.  I would even suggest not showing Marie yet...just have Hillary give Aggie the baby and show the Groom's walk (but not the conception scene) to give Aggie some motivation.

Book 3 finishes the story, but here we finally see Marie and how new Nocturnals/Kings/Saviors are conceived and born.  The shock factor of Marie would go great with whatever finale you have in store.

Again, you've got a great story here.  It's definitely epic enough to warrant a trilogy of books or more.  As much as it pains me to admit it, you might even want to poke the brain of Hutchins and find out other ways to spread it out over three books, since he did a good job doing that with 7th Son.

Thanks for the entertainment, and I look forward to meeting you in Dallas next month :)

Kings come along more often than you think.  It's definitely more often than 100 years, since Bryan and Rex are relatively close in age (20 years apart or so). 

Couldn't tell you where it was, but it's explained that Firstborn has been killing any would be Kings as soon as they are born.  He can tell them by smell.  He knows what they can do, probably as both Kings and Saviors, so for the good of the family he's been eliminating them.  Hillary, and possibly others, have been smuggling them out whenever possible.  That's why Bryan and Rex survived, and I'd hazard a guess that's where the original Savior came from. 

As far as why Bryan or Jedediah are Saviors and not Kings, I think it's a little of circumstance and choice.  When they appear to the Nocturnals, they are radiating hate and destruction.  They're blood traitors, and the Nocturnals can tell.  Rex, on the other hand, wanted to belong to the family.  He came to the Nocturnal nest peacefully, and as such was accepted as King.  Had things been different, he could have very easily been a Savior and Bryan could have been King.  That's just my take on it though.  Your mileage may vary.