Barnes and Nobles 9:00am 04-01-08.
I pulled the graveyard shift last night, so I was early getting to the purveyor of tomes. I had an hour to kill until the doors opened. Good thing I had episode #21 to pass the time. When the time came and the doors opened I was shocked to find that the first thing to great me upon entering was a table full of Danielle Steel, Rachel Fucking Ray, as well as the rest of Oprah's book club picks. I figured poor product placement. There must be a shrine to the future dark Overlord somewhere else in the building. I proceeded to browse the stacks. Nothing not a single damn eye looking back at me from any shelf. I enlisted the help of a elderly dame who could at first glance have passed for the crypt keepers spinster aunt. Still nothing, her dell monitor tells her seven is the number of copies in house (a shockingly low number the voice in my head mused) yet none to be found. Since I know I am the only junkie in the building, hell I am the only non employee in the building. I enlist the help of the entire staff. There are six of us now looking high and low for the prize. Thirty five minutes have now passed and the voices in my head are telling me that we should have brought the chicken scissors after all. Finally the brains of the operation suggests that he go look in the storage room. After another fifteen minutes he resurfaces from the bowels of the store holding my copy. I said you know it is April 1st and this book goes on sale today right? He said he was aware of that, it looks as if someone had piled some paperbacks on top of the seven copies they had. I said gee thats swell beav now if you do not mind I would like another copy. The look he gave me was worth the fifty minutes I had spent so far in the store. Watching his weeble-esque shuffle back to the basement to retrieve another copy should cover the time still needed to check out and complete my recently "hatched" plan. Upon receiving the second copy I thanked The Beaver and made my way back to the front of the building. There I took it upon myself to do a wee bit of redecorating. You see I am no fan of Danielle Steel, and I would rather eat roadkill on the side of the road tha crack the spine of anything with Rachel Ray on the cover, so I placed the top two display books face down. Then in semi-inspired move (at leats my voices agreeded) I propped the work of the master on the backs of these commoners. I proceeded to check out with my copy. I left the store took ten paces and entered again, much better the second time. Now when you enter the first thing you see is the evil eye looking back at you. Now at least the junkies who enter the store after me today will have less trouble getting their copy, until their number exceeds six.
In closing might I ask a small favor? When the tanks finally roll could you find it somewhere in the darkest recesses of your heart to allow me to administer some of the re-education that will most certianly be necessary in this part of the state of Pennsylvania.