To get the ball rolling this is my addition:
Did you here about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.
If you read that, sighed and sort of half-laughed with your head in your hands then congratulations, you get the point of this thread! I have loads more by the way
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say......you're my kinda stupid UFS
Combat Cook
Have a short with this knock-knock joke in it...of course they add a couple of their own knock-knock jokes as well, Funny stuff! :)
http://tinyurl.com/k2peu
[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m]
KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
*Member of the Wolfpack* Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
...and I started to cough from laughing so hard.
Soon to be starring in NOCTURNAL by Scott Sigler. The autograph line starts to the right.
Gifted Combat Cook
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.
Combat Cook
A man walks into a bar and the first thing he sees is an horse and a sign on the sign he read "make the horse laugh and get 500$" so he went up to the bartender and said, I'll take that challenge.
So he walked up to the horse and whispered into it's ear and the horse just started laughing and laughing so hard that it peed it self.
The man went up to the bartender again and collected his money and the bartender just stared at him.
A few weeks later the man walked in to the bar again and the horse was still giggling and new sign had been put up that read "if you can make the horse cry you'll get a 1000$" the man ones more walked over to the bartender and said I'll take that challenge to but i have to take the horse into the bathroom with me to do it, the bartender said sure anything to make him stop giggling.
A minute later the man and the horse came out from the bathroom and the horse was crying and crying as it would never stop.
The bartender now said before i pay you you'll have to tell me how you did this.
Well said the man last time i was in here i just whispered that I got a bigger cock than him and this time i proved it.
Soon to be starring in NOCTURNAL by Scott Sigler. The autograph line starts to the right.
Soon to be starring in NOCTURNAL by Scott Sigler. The autograph line starts to the right.
Really funny when the 6 year old tries to tell it and messes it up and makes you do it 3-4 times before getting it right, but laughs like a nut-case every time. :-)
[flickr-photo:id=5069365035, size=m] [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren
Three little ducks went into a bar. "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," the duck replied. "How's your day been, Huey?" asked the bartender. "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh, that's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck and said, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," the second duck said. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball, too. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."..........The extremely humble owner of "THE ROOKIE" #2487/3000
Here, I'll change the pace a bit...
So a man walks into a vets office carrying his dog, and is rushed into an examination room. The vet comes in after the examination, sighs, and looks at the owner sternly and says, "Sir, I'm afraid to inform you that your dog is dead."
Well the owner isn't satisfied, and wants a second opinion, so the vet brings in a cat. The cat comes in, looks at the dog, turns around, and leaves. The vet then says, " Sir, the cat thinks your dog is dead too."
Even after that, the owner is still not satisfied, and wants yet another opinion, so the vet brings in a Labrador Retriever. It looks at the other dog closely, sniffs it 3 times, barks, then leaves. The Vet says, " I'm sorry, but Rover says your dog is dead."
So the owner finally decides to trust what the vet says and goes to pay the bill, but when he looks at it it is for $1000.
"$1000!?!" The Owner blurts out in anger, "To tell me my dog died!?!"
The Vet looks at the owner and says, "Well I was only going to charge you $80 for the visit, but had to include the CAT scan, and the Lab results."
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes
So that others may live
A man walks into his local bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 shots of tequila. The bartender replied "10 shots? Isn't that a little much?". The man tells him "You know that promotion I've been working to get all year? Well I got it!". The bartenders says "alright, this is a special occasion here ya go 10 shots". The man downs the shots one after the other and then say goodbye and heads home.
The next night the man comes in again and orders 10 more shots of tequila. The bartender again says "Man are you sure? That much tequila two nights in a row cant be good for you". The man says "Yes I'm sure, my first day in my new position and I landed a big client and I got a raise to boot!" The bartenders again says "alright here ya go 10 shots". The man downs the shots one after the other and then say goodbye and heads home.
The next night the man walks into the bar and the bartender says "Let me guess, 10 shots of tequila?". The man replies "Not tonight, just give me a beer". The bartender laughs and asks "You had your fill of tequila?". The man replies "No, its just last night when I got home I blew chunks". The bartender said "I knew it, I told you all that tequila would be bad for you!". The man says no no you dont understand (are you ready for this) Chunks is my DOG!!!
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KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
*Member of the Wolfpack* Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
What goes clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop BANG! clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop? A Amish Drive-By Shooting.............The extremely humble owner of "THE ROOKIE" #2487/3000
jk!..........The extremely humble owner of "THE ROOKIE" #2487/3000
A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A beautiful young nurse arrives to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the oxygen mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet." Struggling, he again asks the nurse, "Are my testicles black?" Finally, she raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand, holds his testicles in the other, takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice, but, are my test results back."..........The extremely humble owner of "THE ROOKIE" #2487/3000
Zelaya
updated their avatar.
