To get the ball rolling this is my addition:
Did you here about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.
If you read that, sighed and sort of half-laughed with your head in your hands then congratulations, you get the point of this thread! I have loads more by the way
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say......you're my kinda stupid UFS
...and says "ouch, my head!"
Just run the plays I call, Barnes!
- "When I get a little money I buy books. If any is left over, I buy food and clothes." - Erasmus
__________________________________________
Proud Member of the Wolf Pack and
and says "wow its hot in here" and the other looks up and says " HOlly Crap a talking muffin"
~~There are many types of heros, I am one who just happens to eat brains~`
KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
*Member of the Wolfpack* Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
KISS'd by Sigler. Honored recipient of the 2009 "Iron Man" Award.
*Member of the Wolfpack* Funky Name Brotha, Gutter Brethren & Pusher Thrice Over!
Just run the plays I call, Barnes!
A man in his 90's, for a Special Birthday Gift from his Grandsons, is sent a Stripper to his home to entertain him. After she rings the bell of his home, she informs him that his grandsons sent her as a special birthday gift, to provide her services. The grandfather asks her, " What do you do?" She said ,"I can provide you "Sup-er Sex". “He says, “Look, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"
~~There are many types of heros, I am one who just happens to eat brains~`
~~There are many types of heros, I am one who just happens to eat brains~`
In Heaven:
The French are the cooks, the Germans are the mechanics, the English are the policemen, the Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run the trains.
In Hell:
The English are the cooks, the French are the mechanics, the Germans are the policemen, the Swiss are the lovers, and the Italians run the trains.
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
~Robert A. Heinlein
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say...(smiles)...you're my kinda stupid
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say......you're my kinda stupid UFS
This seems to be coming along nicely!! I have a few additions that should add to the hilarity:
What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?
Doug
What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head?
Douglas
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in your letterbox?
Bill
What do you call a guy with a car on his head?
Jack
What do you call a guy with a paper bag on his head?
Russell
What do you call a guy with a seagull in his head?
Cliff
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene
What do you call a man who lives with rabbits?
Warren
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead
Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?
Thought it was a game
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
Thought he was a monkey
And there we go! Couldn't be arsed to remember any more.
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say......you're my kinda stupid UFS
Captain Picard: Mister Crusher SHUT UP! Doctor, get this child off my bridge.
Mal: Well lady, I must say......you're my kinda stupid UFS
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the pool?
Bob.
What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
A preacher was driving down the road a little eratically so a police officer pulled him over. The officer asked the preacher if he had been drinking. "No sir, I haven't." Said the preacher. Noticing a bottle on the front seat, the officer asked the preacher what it was. "It's just water, officer." Replied the preacher. The officer asked to see the bottle. The preacher handed it to him, he took off the lid, and smelled what was inside. "Hey! This isn't water, this is wine!" The officer exclaimed. The preacher then threw his hands in the air and yelled "Hallelujah!! He did it again!!".
"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life."
~Robert A. Heinlein
Well, two actually. He said these after saying that school was too serious and we should all buy him skittles.
How many polish people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One on the stool and three to turn the stool around to screw /unscrew it.
He also said there was a Polish terrorist that got caught trying to blow up a bus because he burnt his lips on the muffler.
a lick-a-lotta-puss
"SHIT adds up at the bottom!" ~ JMK
HM-THE ROOKIE
[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m] Undead WARLORD
"SHIT adds up at the bottom!" ~ JMK
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