I think you should start with the couch potato jesus, then come back here once thats done and we can discuss it further. 

Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

Jayguana

go to the ancestor tour with another t-shirt.

...and take the chicken scissors to your nephew's tires...

thats a good start, once there are a good collection of "suggestions" Im gonna send him this link 8-]

-JT-

Just give him to the FDO to take and do with him as he pleases.

or let the plaid tanks and junkies take care of him teach him the real meaning behind what he has done.

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[flickr-photo:id=3718433600,size=m][flickr-photo:id=3725895360,size=m]

If he's little, like 9 or under, you can just drown his little ass in the Coi pond and say he must've slipped & hit his head on the edge. If he's older, it'll be a little more difficult to cover up. If he's of driving age, you could always treat the brake lines on his car with a mild acid until they degrade enough to burst on their own (much harder to trace than cutting them). Just try to keep your method age-appropriate and make sure you have an airtight alibi. ;)

**Conjunction Junction, what's your function? No seriously, I slept through grammar class, so I have no idea what you do.**

he is married and all that stuff.. so age isnt a concern... please feel free to express anything your hearts desire

-JT-

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Pusher, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & [flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]

Then wear all his underwear, one toot at a time, and then put them back in the drawer. Tell him about it a week later.

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Gutter Sistren whipping boy, innoventor of words

Go into his house when he is not there and do some amatuer proctology with his toothbrush and take lots of pictures. After a week goes by start sending him the pictures in the email. That just might do the trick.

Anyone ever heard of this one? People break into the house but nothing is missing and a week later the pictures start coming in.

Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

Jayguana

it should go over very well and teach him a heh lesson

People seem to have forgotten the value of a good solid beating with a brass knuckle or the old rubber hose.

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Pusher, Poet and Pet Protector

In my de-fence the shirt just magically appeared in my drier and I knew it was no on elses in the house so I lay claim to it. Let him get another shirt. I washed the shirt and now it is as clean as new. Deal with it

Any time you find something that's been autographed, you have to assume that it holds some value to someone.  You don't just "lay claim" to it!  If it's all clean and shiny, give it back to your uncle.  If not, I think you owe him a new autographed Rookie T!  It may just be a t-shirt to you, but to a Junkie, it's worth it's weight in gold!

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Pusher, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren & [flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m]