an asshole is an asshole, through and through, and if you can't be around them without wanting to strangle them with their own entrails then it's best to exuse yourself before you start clutching a steak knife too tightly.

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the trick to staying sane is to just out-crazy the world

I agree with athanas on this also, if you can't deal with a person you are not only correct in exusing yourself from there company you are proving that you are the better person for not staying and fighting with them. People have the right to choose the company they keep and its not childish of them to make that choice. Your sister-in-law needs to understand that she does not have to include the duche in all of her social activities, especially ones that include people that have made there feeling clear.  

Si Vis Pocum, Para Bellum

Jayguana

There are people that I like to hang out with, and people I don't.  Life is too short to subject myself to the presence of someone I know I cannot or will not get along with.  I'm all for giving people a chance, but sometimes you just know it's not happening! After that, you need to do what is right for you.  Not liking your friends' friends, does not mean anything in regards to how you feel about that friend.  And it is definitely asking too much to not respect a persons opinion or comfort level in any situation.

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Proud member of the Gutter Sistren

They're actually being more mature by excusing themselves. As Athanas points out half in jest, it is by inflicting that sort of situation upon yourself that often results in needless violence, be it vocal or physical.

Also, your sister's friends actions have made her examine her friendship with the douche more closely. It sounds like this is something that needed doing. What she decides to do now is up to her, just as her friends exercised their freedom to do what they chose.

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Let him know. When he starts acting like a douche you grow a sack and you pull him up.

I would try a line like, "Hey [Name] you're acting like a douche and this is why [reasons]"

Everything is then out in the open and no one is acting like a bunch clickish highschool girls.

Some feelings may be hurt but at least everyone gets to see the unadulterated facts.

That may have been incorrect. If it hasn't, it needs to be.

Communicating the issue to all parties involved is always the first step to resolving it.

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First, it would be helpful to know what age group we are talking about here. Yes, if no one has told him that he is being a douche, (and that is the ONLY thing preventing people from wanting to hang with him) then someone he trusts needs to speak with him about how he makes OTHER people feel when he is pulling his stunts and speaking out of turn.  My guess is that he thinks he is trying to fit in and the BEHAVIOR is more than a little immature.  Second, it is up to each person to determine whether his friendship is WORTH (or important enough) to work with the guy.  In my opinion, friendships are everything and I'm not going to bail and run until I've tried to help that friend be the best person they can be.  Some people are very unaware as to how their actions make other people feel until they are confronted with the issue.  If after confronting him, he still doesn't want to change his behavior, then ........

[flickr-photo:id=3938763689,size=m] and friend of GirlCo's official mascot

Is why the sis-in-law is friends with this guy? Yes, I agree that someone (sis?) should talk to him about his behavior being a major turn-off to other people, but if he doesn't care, then.... she can't expect her friends to tolerate a jack-hole just for her sake. That said, I have been in similar situations (friends or family of friends are a-holes) and I would tolerate them up to a point. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time with him/her but if I planned on an outing with friends and they showed up, I wouldn't leave. (But I would ask next time if they were going to be there so I could make an informed choice)

Anyway, if this guy is so bad that sis's friends are boycotting, she needs to figure out why she is willing to tolerate his behavior.

Why yes, apples. How did you know? [flickr-photo:id=4347154616] Pusher and member of the Gutter Sistren

Either called him on his douchery and gotten the issue out in front of everyone so it can be discussed (last resort) or taken him aside and tried to explain things to him (much better choice)?

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Seems sad that others can't get on with him but their free time is their free time to spend enjoying as much as they can so who they spend it with may be sufficiently important to them that they do not need this chap around.  That being said a true friend is worth their weight in gold I hope that they realise that they are also alienating your sis in law and could lose her friendship in the long run by either excluding her or forcing her to chose.  I hope that they all have the courage of their convictions and it is not the majority being led by the stronger opinionated of the group as that would suck.  Seems that the only way is to have the most tactful(maybe you if you're the one looking at both sides) have a chat with him (not sis) and tell him to settle down.  It could be a case of him playing the clown due to various insecurities in which case giving him a chance in itself may be sufficient to calm him down.  Alienating could make him try harder and thus become more irritating.  For myself I know that there are times that when under the influence I can and have been a complete and utter cock, fortunately my friends have told me so the next day and it's all dealt with.  Likewise for them acting out.  It could be that his racism and homophobia though make people that uncomfortable that this may not be possible as noone should have to tolerate this kind of behaviour if it causes them offence.  It may be that so far he has only had fuckwit friends who promote these discriminations and having decent morally (in the main part) sound people could be what he needs to set him right.  Hope you can sort it all out as there's nothing worse than losing friends over something silly that could easily be resolved with tact and maturity or drinking games and abject humiliation for everyone!

(granted that was prolly more than just 2pence worth but that's the crazy exchange rate mechanism for you)

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Pusher, Poet and Pet Protector

sit him in front of the TV and let him watch the Tool Academy on MTV and say, DUDE, you perfect match of this show.

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