My thoughts on the SuperBowl
scottsigler
 The New York Football Giants won their fourth SuperBowl title with a 21-17 win over the New England Patriots, who are also a football team despite the fact that they do not have the word "football" in their official title. Giants QB Eli Manning won his second championship (see "Peyton," below), and played a fantastic game. The GD Detroit Lions did not win the SuperBowl. Therefore the SuperBowl XLVI sucked. For the fourth time in the last five years, the big game was decided by four points or less, adding to the mystique of one of the world's biggest sporting events. This year's SuperBowl was an awesome affair, with great plays on both sides. Here's my take on the most important parts of the NFL's final contest. |
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SuperGronk hobbled: Rob Gronkowski is a tight end for the Patriots. He is a mutant. I'm 95% sure he's 67% non-human. He's 6-foot-6, 265 pounds. He might be made of metal. That, or he's an Orc. He scored 18 touchdowns this year (17 receiving), setting the record for TDs in a single season for his position. While he's a mutant possibly made of metal and/or Orcish material, he is not indestructible. He suffered a high ankle sprain in the AFC championship game, which made him miss several practices before the SuperBowl. While he played, he wasn't an impact player. The injury slowed him significantly. The Patriot's best player of the season was a non-factor, greatly changing the team's game plan. The Giants played great football and deserved to win, but Gronk being a non-factor was a major part of the SuperBowl. |
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Wes Welker's Hitler Stache:
Wes Welker is receiver for the Patriots. If The Flash played football, he'd be this guy. But Wes, give me a break with the upper-lip tribute to Mr. Sunshine. Who's in charge of your fan club, Colonel Klink? Hoooooo-gaaannnn! I'm pretty sure this "playoff stache" cost the Pats the game, especially in the fourth quarter when he couldn't bring down a critical third-down pass because it bounced off his master-race face lettuce.
Honestly, who grows this thing? The war is over, Herr Wes, time to let go.
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 Peyton Manning on Suicide Watch:
It's not hyperbole to say that Peyton is probably the greatest quarterback of all time. His mental mastery of the game is matched only by his ability to deliver on-target passes. If you don't know a lot about the game, I won't get into it, but in my opinion he's the full package and redefines what a quarterback is capable of. He missed the 2011 season with a neck injury -- it's possible he'll never play the game again. And now his little brother has two SuperBowl wins to his one. If Peyton can't come back and win another championship, he'll have to spend every Thanksgiving sitting at the ironing board while Eli hangs out at the grownups table. Peyton is 6-foot-5. No one makes an ironing board that big.
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| John Tweedy's current equivalent: Chase Blackburn.
I wasn't that familiar with Blackburn until this year, but damn if he isn't damn close to my mental image of John Tweedy. ARealGirl thinks John has a mustache, and she may be right, but Blackburn has the body structure and wild, happy-about-everything-except-when-I'm-killing-you blank eyes you'd expect to find in the Kraken's starting middle linebacker.
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| Madonna and Cee Lo's halftime show: Holy crap, if this wasn't a most ridiculous and rather awesome event. First of all, I was at the wrong goddamn SuperBowl party. Know what the two biggest cheers were for? Not for the amazing Mario Manningham catch, not for Tom Brady's touchdown throw to take the lead, not for Eli Manning winning a second ring -- no, the two biggest cheers were for the David Beckham underwear commercial and for the halftime show. Sheesh. I have to admit: I am not a fan of such trivialities, but the halftime show was solid. Madonna does not mess around. The high-tech stage was killer, and they had some kind of an acrobatic eunuch cavorting on a tight rope, including several full bounces in which the youngster landed on the place nuts would have been if the youngster actually had said nuts. That's Cee Lo Green (top right) in one of the 143 costumes he had on during the 15-minute performance, and the Tightrope Lad With No Jumblies (bottom right). |
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34 Comments
That was so funny. The Welker comments were the best. My wife is a Pats fan so she is not very happy.
Jeez , you guys sure know how to string a game out!
All joking aside, I watched and it was very entertaining, and by the time it finished in the UK, it was 4am, and I rise at 6am... so I guess I'm just a closet American.
PS - It's still not called 'football'...!
Being a Englishman into his Rugby ,American football never really appealed to me, but since finding the GFL and The Fdo ,it made want to watch a game of American football, sorry to say it didnt grab me ,too much stopping and starting.Might i suggest if you want a break for an hour or 2 over the weekend and you can get the BBC1 channel and watch the 6 nations (the French are worth a watch and i cant believe i said that).Still loving your work though keep it up
Mr Gmork and I cheered for the Football Giants as they represented the NFC and every NFC team we cheered for this year didn't make it to the Superbowl :( I was sure that would jinx them, but lo and behold they won!
Oh and when Tightrope Lad With No Jumblies first came on screen, everyone at the Superbowl party I was at thought it was Will Ferrell at first. We laughed so much we almost missed the nut crunching...almost.
"Old Earth Detroit Lions & D'Kow War Dogs for LIFE!"
It sounds like the halftime show was bizarre enough to be entertaining, almost sorry we skipped it in favor of the previous night's Saturday Night Live (also with an oddly dressed Cee-Lo character, this time played by Kenan Thompson).
Proud member of Girlco and friend of GirlCo's official mascot
Scott that part where the Giants tried not to score reminded me of the Super Bowl XXXIII where Denver beat Green Bay. Green Bay let Davis score near the end so they could get the ball back. N.E didn't even try to stop the TD run.
Missed the game since I don't have cable and didn't get invited to a party that did, but I heard it was a great game. Dx
"Clever girl." ~Jurassic Park {GirlCo w/ dreads for Sigler}
Missed the game since I don't have cable and didn't get invited to a party that did, but I heard it was a great game. Dx
Proud member of Girlco and friend of GirlCo's official mascot
Yes, and am a Patriots fan and I am in morning.
“One ping – one ping only” Captain Ramius
Jeez , you guys sure know how to string a game out!
All joking aside, I watched and it was very entertaining, and by the time it finished in the UK, it was 4am, and I rise at 6am... so I guess I'm just a closet American.
PS - It's still not called 'football'...!
Yes, and am a Patriots fan and I am in morning.
What are your thoughts on ending the roman numbers with Super Bowl 50?
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