Dead dude embedded in my face: FDO™ out 3-4 days
Scott
Junkies, I'm off to the dentist today. After they put me under (which for me takes way more knock-out juice than any normal human, I'm told), they are going to literally saw into my face and embed a piece of dead dude in my upper jaw. That's right, a piece of some deceased cat's skeleton will be wedged in my maw. This will knock me on my ass for a few days.
Hence, all world-crushing activity will come to a halt until my body goes all Borg on this chunk of bone, and starts to assimilate the skeletal framework. My osteoblasts will turn that foreign bone into native bone, and boom-shakalaka, I fill in a hole (that you can see as my right incisor in the picture at left).
If my dental surgery record holds steady, there will be much vomiting. Yay me! But when I return, I will have fully subsumed the soul of another human being. The first of many, bitches, the first of many ...
UPDATE (5:27pm, PT, 11/13/09):
The dead dude is now fully embedded in my face. It was not fun. I kid you not -- twice they had to use a freakin' hammer and a freakin' chisel. A chisel, bitches. Did I mention the chisel?
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29 Comments
I hope everything's ok.
Where would the FDO be without his Producer of DØØM?!?!?
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CBBC Head Biker Babe aka Boob Master Flasher, Proud Member of GirlCo, Co-Founder of the Gutter Sistren AND... I'm [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]!!!
Book Tour?? I don't buy it.
Oh, come on people. Doesn’t anyone besides me find this...oh, I don’t know...SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS? Our FDO, El Generale, the Pope, the Conquer of ALL People, one day has a tooth ache, undergoes “surgery”, and the next week announces a “book tour” starting in Washington DC?? ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS??? WE HAVE TO STOP THIS MADMAN!!!!!! CALL YOUR SENATOR, CALL YOUR LAWYER...call your mortician. Okay, let me break it down for you because I know I’m not crazy. Oh, no, not crazy at all. I don’t see the Cookoo Clock Man riding his unicycle down the middle of the road; I’m not holding a full deck minus 52 cards. No, siree, not me. So let me just break it down for the rest of you. Scott Fucking Sigler claims he went in for “minor” dental work. You can read my earlier blog about that bullshit. After this “life-threatening procedure,” he wakes up and “decides to continue his Contagious tour.” Great idea, Scott. Only, it’s NOT YOUR IDEA. IT’S THOSE...THOSE...those little bastards speaking in your head. What? What was that you said? I’m crazy? YOU THINK I’M CRAZY??? ME??? Ohhhh, no. Oh, no, sir. Oh, no, not me your Honorific Pope General FDO. I’m not the one hearing voices in MY FUCKING HEAD!!! He continues his book tour and where does he start? None other than the, “Take Me To Your Leader” city - Washington Fucking DC. Yeah, you’re all for the government run health care, aren’t you buddy? You WANT the government to tell people to go get their yearly physicals. To see their doctors. TO GET THIER "FLU" SHOTS. Only, I’m smarter than that. It’s not the flu shot folks. No way, Jose. It’s pods. You heard me right, I said it - PODS. SHOUT IT OUT PEOPLE. BE HEARD!!! LET THOSE little fuckers know we are on to their game. We KNOW they took over our beloved FDO and I am not one to stand by and let it go unnoticed. So, the PODS are making Scott go to Washington DC for his “book tour.” He won’t be so obvious to go to the White House or Congress. No, no...they are getting smarter than that. But where better than to test the 3rd Degree Theory than DC? You know the theory I am talking about - every 3rd person will know someone you know. By the end, everyone knows everyone else by way of someone else. That theory. I see it now. He does a book signing or pub crawl. He infects...oh, what?...100 people, 200 people, 1000 people in one night. Of those he infected, he just infected 10 to 100 people - in Washington DC. The place where every other person knows someone who works in the White House or Congress. You see it now people??? DO YOU SEE???? They're going after our lea... Oh, shit. They found me. Spread the word people. It's not the flu shot.Book Tour?? I don't buy it (2)
Oh, and it's not our beloved FDO. Don't be fooled. Ssssssshhhhhhhh. They are here.So is this what happened to Saddock?
Was he on to them? Trying to protect the FDO? They took him out?
Although, I would say that some of the people in DC probably won't be missed... thin the herd and all.
Soylent green is PEOPLE!!!!!
Go Steelers! Go Dawgs!